Wings

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on my blog.   THAT is about to change.  Last week I had the opportunity to attend the Wings PES Seminar and it was an eye opening experience for me in so many ways.  There is so much on my heart right now that I don’t even know where to start.  What I do know is that I learned a lot about myself and the baggage I have carried around for much of my life.  Baggage that I have allowed to weigh me down and create much self doubt and a lot of insecurities.  If you were to ask me today the number one thing I learned in the seminar, I would say “I am uniquely and beautifully made.  I am ME”.  That verse popped into my head early into the four days and it has stayed with me since.  It has become my motto and I am committing to myself that when self doubt creeps into my mind again, this will be the first thing I think of.

So, many of you are probably wondering “what happens at Wings”……I honestly can’t put it into words, but it is an amazing time that I will never forget.  If I absolutely had to put it into words, I would say, it is a  time when I was able to strip away the walls and allow the true Ginny to shine through.  A time of total acceptance when I didn’t care what others thought and shared my heart and soul.  Much of the weekend, I felt like my heart was bubbling up through my eyes and down my cheeks…….and that happened in front of other people and that’s ok.  It was a time for me to deal with some things from my past that have been with me for a long time.  A time for me to let go of that scared little foster kid who was told by classmates that I was in foster care because nobody wanted me.  I was able to realize that it was way back in grade school that I the phrase fight or flight took root in my soul.  I have spent much of my life doing just that……you mess with me and my first choice is to flee…..avoid any type of conflict.  You back me into a corner and I will come out fighting……and it isn’t pretty.  This is something that I now realize and am working to change.  Something else that I have really struggled with since my time in foster care, is that feeling that what I bring to the table just isn’t good enough…….that I am not as smart as others……that I’m not as pretty as others.  I’m constantly seeing where I fall short.  That is something else that I’m committing to myself that is going to change.  Remember “I am unique and beautifully made……I am me”.  Yep, that is definitely my new motto!

I am fully aware that change isn’t instant and I know that I am going to make mistakes.  But you know what, each and every one of us is human, and we ALL make mistakes.  That’s something else I’ve struggled with for a long time.  I hate making mistakes and it is very hard for me to let go of past mistakes.  Again, something that I got out of the weekend is that the past is just that, the past.  I can’t change it and the only thing I can do is learn from it and move forward.  When this topic came up, the MercyMe song “Dear Younger Me” just started playing through my head.  If you have not heard that song before, look it up on YouTube.  It is very powerful and every word of it is true.

I have so much more to share, and so many words just running around in my head right now, but I’m going to stop here.  I need to organize my thoughts and words and then will share more.  I will say this.  I am so excited about the future.  I am so excited about finding Ginny again, a Ginny that has gotten lost over the years of trying to be what others wanted me to be, and not just being myself.  I am me…….and I can’t be anything else but who God made me to be and that’s ok.

To be continued…..

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